Tell Him Anything
by Isawien Malfoy
Summary: Song fic centered around when Max came from the future, until Alex's death. Came to me a couple days ago. Liz's thoughts during everything, doesn't exactly follow the show, but did try to stay pretty close.
1. Default Chapter

All right, I admit it, I don't own anything. Well, except my bird and mind, and maybe a small piece of the plot………. But really, it all belongs to Jason Katims, and so many others who are very happy and rich. I'm just borrowing them to have a little fun and change things.

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I'll never forget the day my life changed again. It's one of those things that is always in the back of your mind, taunting you. It had started so perfect. That trip to Mrs. DeLuca's psychic, what she told me. That I would find happiness with Max.

Then HE came.

And my world was destroyed all over again.

The knowledge of what happened in our future, all because he choose me. I can barely live knowing what our love can cost.

_Tell him that it wasn't love,  
Say I tried - say I lied,  
Tell him I'm unworthy of,  
What he feels inside..._

So, first off I went to Tess, after all, what better way to get him to fall in love with Tess than by helping her. And, after she realized that I honestly wasn't trying to trick her, she went along with it. No one will ever know what it was like to have to go to the wife of your soulmate, so you can help her get back with him. Knowing that if I succeeded, that I would have to watch them forever. But, it was worth it, to save the others.

_Tell him that you heard me say,  
What seemed right - just last night,  
Simply seemed to fade away,  
In the light of day..._

And, of course that didn't work. Max and his bloody undying feelings. Then I was told off my HIM, so I went to Plan B. Making Tess his ideal mate didn't work. So I had to do it myself.

It took hours for me to convince myself, and to figure out what I would say. Then I made my way to his house.

He was working out when I got there. And seeing him without that shirt started to make me forget what I wanted to say. So I asked him to put a shirt on. I remember the look in his eyes, like I had punched him.

Then I told him my speech. Another thing I'll never forget as long as I live. I was heartless, I was cruel, and I know I killed a small part of him that day.

_Tell him of the countless other lovers,  
whom I tantalized - victimized...  
Tell him of the many other times  
I played this heartless game - just the same..._

But HE still stayed. And I had to find another way. So I grasped onto my one lifeline. The knowledge of what happened with Maria and Michael. And, I went to the one person I could trust to help me with this.

Kyle was a godsend, and a sweetheart about the whole thing. He didn't push for answers that I couldn't give. In fact, he helped me more than I expected. He reminded me what it was like to laugh, and for a moment I forgot what was going on. For a moment I was completely happy.

Then Max came, and the moment was gone. I had thought that I would never see anything worse than what I had the night before. I was wrong, terribly wrong. And Max left. I suppose I'll never know what happened that night after he was gone, but I do know that I hurt him more than even I thought possible.

_Tell him what I really am  
is just a cold and empty sham,  
Tell him anything – but not that I love him._

Kyle didn't want to leave me afterwards, knowing I would need someone. But I did get him to leave, and Future Max came out. I don't remember much about that night, I was devastated. I do know that we danced, I even heard our wedding song on the air as we danced. And then he was gone.

And then I had to face the others. Kyle was really my only companion for a while. I couldn't tell anyone, and that put a wedge between Maria and I, at least on my part. I don't even know if she ever felt it, though she probably did, and left me be knowing I would tell her in my own time.

Then there was them. Isabel was barely there at times, with whatever was haunting her, but she still let me know that she was angry with me. Michael knew something was going on, but not what. But he knew that in someway Max had been hurt, and I had to have been the one behind it. They never treated me different, but I could feel the anger like cold waves beating against my body.

And of course there was Max, who refused to believe what his eyes had told him.

_Tell him that it wasn't love,  
All we shared - all we cared,  
Make him hate my memory,  
Make him glad he's free,_

So, once again I had to lie. I lost myself during that time, lost touch with my soul. And, over time he did start to hate me. I'm sure of it. And knowing that killed me a little more each day. But, irony of ironies, I had to save him when he was in New York. That night, Isabel saw what was in my mind. She knew what had happened. We both knew it. And we both made a silent vow never to talk of it again.

She is the one who will never tell.

If Michael had learned, he would have told Max eventually. If he thought it would in any way help them. Tess would have told Max too, I'm sure of that. But Iz, she was the last to let go of her fear of us. She has always been the one more concerned with everyone's safety. She will take my secret to her grave, which will now be a lot longer than twelve years from now.

_Paint me evil - paint me cruel,  
Say I broke every rule,  
Make him feel that he's a fool,  
For his loving me..._

And, in time he did turn to Tess. Our friendship wasn't as strong as it had been, but we were friends again. Then Alex died.

Once again I destroyed what we had. I will never stop believing that an alien killed Alex. Because it is the only thing that makes sense. Alex would have never committed suicide. My quest has destroyed any ties I still have. The four refuse to talk to me, though I know that Isabel thinks I am right. Maria too refuses to believe now. Kyle believes, once again he is my only companion.

And Max, Max is furious with me. Not that I blame him. But I owe Alex the truth. And that is what I intend to give him. There is nothing holding me here anymore. And truthfully, I can't bear to stay. It still kills me to know what I have lost for the others to live. Everyday I die a little more watching Max and Tess together, knowing that it would have been me in his arms.

_Don't let him know why I must leave him,  
Why I must go so far away,  
For if he knew how much I love him,  
No pow'r on earth could make him stay._

So I am leaving. I'm going to Sweden to find the truth. And I have no intention of returning to America. I'm going to stay in Europe, start a new life there. Isabel knows that I am leaving. She came by the Crashdown last night and we talked. She has been having dreams of Alex, and she needed to be in the place where she said goodbye in the last dream, her hope is to say goodbye in life and maybe she will be at peace. We talked for hours, and we plan to keep in touch once I am gone.

She plans to keep an eye on Tess, and make sure she doesn't leave. So that in a few years when Kivar does come, they will be together and ready. She is going to tell them that Future Max came to her, warning them to stay together, and on earth. And that the Granolith is very powerful and can't fall into the wrong hands. Together, we hope that it will work. I'll find peace, and they'll be together.

He will stay where he belongs, with Tess, with Michael, and with Isabel. Together they will change the future. And at last I will have kept my promise to him, my Max, the one that will never exist now. The last days he had, watching the others die will never happen. Wherever he is, he can rest in peace knowing that the future won't repeat itself.

The plane is taking off, and ahead of me are possibilities I only dreamed of. And in my mind I can hear his voice from that night, and I finally believe him.

_It's like I always told you Liz, you make your own destiny. The future is whatever you want it to be._

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Please let me know what you think.

Review and I will be eternally greateful.


	2. Ten years later

Ok, I actually never thought of continuing the story, I had just planned it as a one-shot piece. But, I was so shocked that everyone liked it, that I figured what the heck I'll keep my mind open. Then as I was getting ready for bed, the idea that life is full of irony and fate has a sense of humor popped in my head. And from that sprang this. I'll try to get updates out as soon as possible, though I can't promise. I've been having a rather rough time in life and may have to check myself into the hospital if I don't get things back under control (I suffer from severe depression and bi-polarism). But, one good thing from all that is my insatiable desire to write, and hopefully that will get this done faster :) Hope you like it, and please review. They keep me going, as I never thought anyone would like it in the first place.

So, enough rambling, on to the story. And once again, please review; I'll be eternally grateful :)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

One thing I've learned in life is that it is full of irony. And fate has a sense of humor that only a woman would have.  Don't get me wrong, men have wonderful senses of humor. But only a woman would do this.

But I suppose I should start at the beginning. I left my hometown, my family, everything behind ten years ago. And I started a new life, and amazingly enough, I found some semi-balance of happiness. I have three children now, triplets. My pride, joy, and holy terrors. Being a single mom was never part of my plan. And it is definitely no picnic. But I wouldn't change a thing.

They turned seven this year, two months ago actually. My oldest, of course, is the only boy. Man of the house. Alexander Jeffrey, more commonly known as Xander. I watched too much Buffy when I was pregnant. He has my dark mahogany hair, and his father's dark blue eyes, the same shade as the sky at the end of a sunset, when it is that dark shade of blue before turning black.

Then there are the girls. All three look alike, but the girls are identical. Both have a slightly lighter shade of my hair, though it is only noticeable when the four of us are together. They also have my eyes. That has to be the strangest thing, looking at your daughters and seeing your eyes staring back at you. The oldest is Claudia Isabel; the youngest is Jacalyn Marie, who chooses to go by Lynn. 

I've never argued with them, they are my babies, they can go by whatever name they choose. The girls love to ride, which is why we have the farm. Although it isn't exactly a farm, not like most picture when they think of a farm. We don't grow tons of food, although we do have a small garden. Instead it is just acres of grass. Four to be precise. Though I often wonder how I could afford four acres with a two-story house, farm, and four horses. Oh, and I can't forget two dogs, one cat, and one conure. 

I know, like I said I have a farm. It's just a farm of animals. Xander has his black lab, Shadow, Claud her cat, Callie, Lynn her conure, named Baby, and the final dog is mine. I couldn't resist getting a scottish terrier when I moved to Scotland. Filch is four now, and thinks he is the master of us all. And of course there are the horses. Starlight, Raven, Firefly, and Precious. Lynn has a thing for naming her pets without actually naming them. She just gives them a nickname, and thus their name. 

I have a few new friends, mostly through the kids, other parents and such. Although to be honest I tend to avoid people. Which, considering my line of work is not the easiest thing in the world. I bought the farm with money from the kids' father. He wasn't happy to learn I was pregnant, and quite honestly paid me off to keep quiet. I wasn't going to take the money, but I had to admit that for being a bastard, he did provide well. All three have trust funds that will more than pay for college, as well as a good part of their adult life. And of course the three million to myself, that was used to buy the house, horses, and the rest was put in away in case of emergencies. I will say this, if you fall in love and get pregnant by someone, it does come in handy when he's a billionaire.

But as to my job, I love work as a nurse, honestly. I think I got into it after seeing so much death when I was a teen. I love helping people, although occasionally it is difficult to keep from doing more with my 'unique talents'. Which, just my luck, my children inherited. Although I'm not positive as to how, they still have them. Of course they all know better than to use them in public. I think that is another plus of being away from the town and country of my birth. No secret agents or government conspiracies. 

Of course, that brings me back to the irony in life. Secret agents would probably love to get their hands on my children and I. And what are we doing? We are going back to them. Brilliant I know. But unfortunately, I have no choice.

The irony in life, I left to get away from the things I had done. I had changed the future, given up my very happiness to save the world. And now, ten years later, I have to leave my happy existence to go back and save the world again. 

And Max Evens' butt.

Yes, fate has to be a woman. And she is laughing her head off up there in the universe.

And so I find myself on a plane, that is about to land, with three sleeping children, and one scottish terrier that will no doubt be very irate when we get him out of the cargo hold. We couldn't leave Filch back home; no neighbor would watch him.

So this is my fate, to return to the place of my birth, with my three holy terrors, one very psychotic dog, and face my family and friends for the first time in ten years.

And, save the world of course.

Laugh it up fate.

Roswell, here I come.


	3. Home?

"How much farther is it mum?"

"Not much love. How are your sisters?" I asked glancing at him. I was still trying to get use to driving on the right side of the road again for the first time in so many years.

"Sound asleep, as is Filch."

"Thank god." I replied with a smile. As I had suspected, Filch had been in a nasty mood when we got him a couple hours ago. Hopefully after a nap he will be in a much happier mood.

"Aye mum." Xander replied with a smile, knowing what I was thinking. "Mum?"

"Aye love?"

"Will they like us?" he asked softly.

Glancing at him once more my heart broke a little. I knew all of my babies had never gotten over the feeling of rejection when they learned their father hadn't wanted them. Something I would have preferred to wait until they were older, but they had decided to go visit my memories instead. 

"Xander, they will love you, I know it. Now they might not be very happy with me, especially with the name change and all, but that will not influence their feelings towards you. You're their grandchildren, and if I know my parents, they will spoil you rotten."

"Really?" he asked with a grin.

"Aye, now don't look so cheeky about it." I replied with a smile. I had never completely lost my american accent, but I had picked up a slight scottish brogue over the years, nothing like my children's of course. "So love, what do you think of America?" I asked with a smile.

"There's a lot of sand." He replied looking around.

"That's because we are in the dessert love." I replied with a wink.

"I know that mum." He replied rolling his eyes. "So mum, how hard do you expect it to be?"

"What be?" I asked as I turned onto the road that would lead us straight into Roswell.

"The war." He replied.

Glancing at him quickly I scowled. "You've been in my mind again haven't you."

"Actually it was Claud." He replied. "Not on purpose of course, she accidentally stumbled into your last get together with Isabel."

"Well, we will have to work on her accident ratio." I replied with a smile so he knew I really wasn't angry. Of the four of us, Claudia was the one with the most 'accidents', so it had become a running joke of sorts. 

"Well," I began as I thought. "I'm not sure love. The first time around things didn't turn out so great, as you know. And this time they have Tess, which was suppose to make things right. But, it obviously isn't working since I am driving through New Mexico."

"Do you really think we can make a difference?" he asked softy.

"Isabel does. And you know as well as I do that she would never ask unless she had to." I replied honestly. I had no secrets from them; they knew everything about my past and the 'others' as we had taken to calling them. Czechoslovakians was a bit suspicious in Europe. And Americans wouldn't work either, seeing as all four of us were americans. 

"I hope we can help." He replied softly.

I didn't comment. Part of me wanted to be anywhere other than turning onto Main Street. And part of me was rejoicing at being back. It was a hard place to be. And of course my kids knew but refrained from commenting on it, giving me the space they knew I needed. Sometimes it was hard to believe they were only seven. Though having unique other worldly abilities did tend to make one grow up much sooner than you should.

"We're here." I said as I pulled the car into a spot across the street from the café I had called home for so many years. Immediately Claudia and Lynn sat up, wide awake. Sometimes the alien power connection was a bit freaky. Also, Filch woke up, and as I had hoped, he was in a much better mood. "Lynn, can you get Filch on a leash?" I asked as I unbuckled.

"Sure thing mum." She replied as she grabbed the bag with his things and looked for it. Two minutes later we were out of the care, and the black bundle of fur I called a dog was ready to go. 

Thankfully. 

Taking a deep breath I took Claudia and Lynn's hands, and we started across the street, Xander in front of us.

This was it. No going back once I stepped through those doors. And as the long outdated music from 'Men in Black' played over my head, I was suddenly terrified.

Looking around the pretty much empty café, I had to smile. At least there wouldn't be many people to see my possible humiliation. Although, then again why was I worried, I wouldn't be living here forever, I had a wonderful home to go back to, and while few in number, wonderful friends who didn't give a damn about what I did. One of the lovely things about british and scottish, for the most part, they left you be with your way of life.

"I'm sorry miss, but there are no dogs allowed here." A voice called from the counter, drawing my attention.

"I know, but I'm here to see Jeff and Nancy." I replied as I had the kids sit down.

"I'm sorry, but you'll still have to take the dog out." The man replied as he walked over. "Wait a minute. Lizzie?" he asked in surprise.

"Hello Juan. What are you doing still working here?" I asked as I gave him a hug.

"I like the pay." He replied with a smile. "And who are these three?"

"My kids Juan. Xander, Claudia, and Lynn. Guys, I'd like you to meet an old friend of mine, this is Juan."

"Hello." The chorused. On purpose I think, though I can't prove it.

"Hello there. Well, let me go get your folks. Oh, and the dog can stay." He replied with a wink.

"Thanks Juan." I replied as I slid in next to Claudia. Immediately, Filch jumped up on my lap and curled up, perfectly content. 

"Now why can't he do this at home?" I mused while the three laughed. Shaking my head I gave them a smile as I automatically began to brush the hair along Filch's back with my fingers.

Smiling softly I watched as they looked around the room, and read the memorabilia on the wall next to us. After a few minutes, I heard the back door open and moved Filch to Lynn's lap. Brushing any hair off my skirt I slid out and stood up, turning to see my parents walking towards me.

Both had aged over the past ten years, but that was to be expected. For the most part they looked the same though, a few more lines around their eyes, and dad had some more gray, but other than that they were still the same.

"Oh my baby." Mom whispered as she wrapped me in her arms. Hugging her back I looked over her shoulder at my dad who was smiling softly. Thank god they weren't furious. After a few moments mom let go and I went to dad and sighed softly as he too wrapped his arms around me. There is nothing like a hug from my dad.

"Welcome home Liz." He whispered in my ear.

Finally stepping back I smiled softly at them both. "Mom, Dad, there's some people I'd like you to meet." I began taking another step to the left so the kids could get up. "These are my children." I began as mom's hand went to her mouth in surprise and dad's eyes started to water. 

"I'd like you to meet your grandchildren, Alexander, Claudia, and Jacalyn."

"Can… can I have a hug?" mom asked tentatively. Glancing at dad I smiled as all three rushed towards them, a large group hug forming while I reached out to keep Filch from jumping down from the booth to join them.

Dad nodded and smiled back before glancing down at mom and his grandchildren. Explanations would wait, for now they were still getting to know one another.

~*~*~*~*~*~

"Mum, can't we come?"

Sighing softly I turned away from the mirror to look at my girls. "No Claud, I don't want you guys to see this."

"It can't be that bad mum." Xander replied as he tossed a ball for Filch.

"I'm not sure how it will go love, but I highly doubt it will be good. Mom and Dad aren't angry anymore, but the others…. Well, I seriously don't think it is going to be pretty. And if it isn't, I don't want you there. You don't need to see that."

"All right mum. But I still don't like it." Lynn replied.

"Like what?"

Turning towards the door, she smiled in surprise. "What are you doing here Iz?"

"I figured you could use the company on the way to the house. But truthfully, I wanted to meet my godchildren." She replied with a smile. "Hello you three. Heavens you are just as you mom described you. The most handsome and beautiful people I've ever seen."

"Thank you Isabel." Xander replied while Claudia and Lynn smiled happily.

"Your welcome. And this must be Filch." Isabel continued looking down at him. "I've heard a lot about you." She continued with a smirk. "So, what don't you like…. Are you Claudia or Jacalyn?" she asked as she sat down on the desk chair.

"Jacalyn. I don't like that mum is leaving us here."

"None of us do." Claudia agreed.

"You two are most definitely your mother's daughters." Iz replied with a smile. "Actually, I think it would be a good idea if they came." She continued looking towards me.

"I don't know Iz. We both know Michael's temper. And we have no idea what Max will do, let alone the others."

"Well, how about this. They can be upstairs watching tv, and if something happens, and they feel like they should join us, then they can."

Shaking my head I knew Isabel had just won my children over. She gave them the opportunity to keep an eye on me, and be there if I needed some support. Like I said, my kids were not normal, times I swore they were my age, just stuck in younger bodies. Of course, then they'd go and act like a normal seven-year-old again, and blow that theory out of the water.

"Please mum." Xander said softly pulling me from my thoughts.

"One question, how do we get them into the house without the others knowing?"

Isabel smiled while the kids started jumping up and down happily, well, the girls at least. Xander was standing behind my chair, smiling if I knew him. Seven-year-olds through and through.

"Well, considering the meeting is at my house, I don't see that being a problem."

"What about Kyle?" I asked.

Waving her hand as if to say big deal, she replied with a smile. "I sent him out for ice cream and soda's. He'll be gone long enough to get you guys in."

"You actually got Kyle to go shopping?" I asked with a smile.

"He'd do anything for me. One of the reasons I married him."

"Besides the fact you loved him." Claudia said slowly.

"That too precious." Iz replied with a smile. "So, shall we go?"

"Can Filch come?" Lynn asked looking down at him.

"Of course." Iz replied as she stood up and walked over to join me while the kids got their shoes. "Anything to drive Michael nuts." She whispered in my ear.

"That will definitely drive Michael batty." I replied with a smile


End file.
